Sunday, June 28, 2009

Our very sincere thanks to everyone who had left words of encouragement and prayers in my previous post. The number of comments left both by old friends as well as new friends took me by surprise and touched us (me and hubby) deeply. We are also humbled by the love and concern that you have shown to us during this very difficult period of our lives, especially since majority of us have never met in real life before and only got connected through blogging.

Your friendship and support is something that we'd be eternally for as it helped us tide through the past 3 days.


On 17June 2008, my husband I mourned for the loss of our firstborn... our Baby Lucas, whom I lost at 14 weeks of pregnancy. We struggled so hard through the devastating loss and what made it worse was that the doctor was not able to tell us why I was bleeding after week 8 and eventually miscarried.

In Feb 2009, after 4 months of trying to conceive again, we were blessed with another pregnancy. I was over the moon and finally felt that there was something worth living for after the miscarriage. This time round, the pregnancy was a breeze... I ate the right food, did the right stuff and tried to rest as much as I could to protect the new little life inside.

6 months passed rather uneventfully as we slowly and cautiously started sharing the good news with family and friends. I enjoyed putting on the extra weight, not fitting into my 'normal' clothes, and even secretly enjoyed the typical pregnancy symptoms... i.e. calf cramps in the middle of the night, frequent visits to the toilet, water retention in my fingers, stretch marks on mybelly, etc.

At around 5.45am on 25June while I was still asleep, I felt a gush of water and it jolted me awake. I knew immediately what it was... my water bag broke. I also knew immediately that it meant bad news because I was only 24 weeks along then. Hubby and I sobbed all the way to the hospital because deep inside we already knew what the outcome would be. The doctors were very frank and told us in no uncertain terms that the chances of our baby making through it at 24 weeks is very bleak. Even if she survived, she'd most likely have:
1) lung complications because at 24 weeks, her lungs have not yet developed fully
2) brain damage due to the lung problem.. i.e. insufficient oxygen
3) infections
4) physical and learning disabilities
and the list went on... I guess I just 'switched off' at some stage.... it was just too heartbreaking. I knew we did not have a choice then... hubby and I have discussed this issue previously even before we got pregnant. We know clearly that we'd want our baby to have quality of life and the last thing we'd want is to bring her into this world to suffer. I guess this is a controversial issue.. some people may think that it's too selfish on our part to rob her of the chance to live. However, as her mom, I felt that it'd too unfair for our princess if she was not able to have a quality life... she's my baby, she deserves better... no correction... she deserves only the best.

I had big hopes for her... all the dashed hopes that I had for her brother Lucas were now pinned on this baby. I wanted to bring her up exactly the same way I was brought up because I had the happiest childhood, went to good schools, had decent grades, had the opportunity to go to university abroad, have a close-knit family plus extended family (including my in-laws) who doted on me, a good job with a pay that I cannot complaint about, friends whom I know I can count on anytime, a wonderful relationship with my hubby whom I love dearly, a beautiful home, an anti-social grouchy 10 year old dog (Huskee) and a crazy, destructive 1 year old pup (Hershey). I wanted her to have all these and more... I wanted to give her nothing but the best.

The only hope then was that I do not get an infection and somehow will be able to keep her in me for as long a possible so that her tiny little lungs have the chance to grow properly. That's when we were hoping for a miracle. That night when I had difficulty falling asleep, I put my hands on my now slightly deflated tummy and told Chloe that if she's tired of fighting or if she is in pain and wanted to give up fighting, I'd totally understand. The next day her daddy also gave her the same message... much as we loved and wanted her, we don't want her to be suffering because of our selfishness.

In the end, our sweet princess made the decision for us. I started running a fever, my white blood cell count have more than doubled and began to get minor contractions at 5am. It's a sure sign that I have got some infection. I was pushed to the delivery suite at around 11am and she arrived at 1416hrs after 3-4 long pushes. Hubby was with me throughout those painful hours and held my hands through it all. This is the second time we are going through labour knowing fully well that we'd not be going out of the delivery suite with a brawling, healthy infant.

They cleaned her up and placed her on my chest, and we were allowed to spend some precious time with her privately. Although she did not cry like other babies, she was still alive, I could see her heart still pounding against her tiny chest... We counted her tiny fingers and toes, joked through our tears that she's got big feet like her daddy, noted that while she had most of hubby's features although her lips are definitely mine, her hair is just begining to grow...She is about the length from my palm to my elbow and she looked so fragile and innocent... She is my sleeping angel. We kissed her gently and although she did not open her eyes to look at us, I really hope she knew that those kisses were from her mommy and daddy, who love her beyond words.

The too short time that we spent with her
is something that I'd be eternally grateful for because it somehow proved that the past 24 weeks were not a dream, I did have a baby and she is perfect, only that she was too eager to see the world.. impatient just like her brother.. guess it's a trait they inherited from me cos patience is definitely not one of my virtues!

That night was so tough... I felt so empty, so helpless, so guilty, so lost, so betrayed, so robbed, so heartbroken.. As I was in the maternity ward, I kept hearing babies crying and the nurses pushing the babies to their moms for feeding every 2 hours. It broke my heart so much because while those lucky babies were warm and had their moms to feed and care for them, my baby Chloe was lying alone and cold in the mortuary. I don't even know how much I have cried, and surprisingly I discovered in the past few days that I still have more tears left in me.

It's really been hard... sooooo hard... I don't even know the right words to describe how bad it's been. I have not yet learnt how to cope with the loss of my firstborn only a year ago, and now I have to go through the pain all over again with my second baby. I can still clearly remember the pain, emotions, anger, hurt that I went through onlya year ago...

I am still searching for a reason why this happene to me TWICE... I am not religious, but somehow I think I must have done something really bad, or I must have been a really evil person to deserve this punishment.

I miss my two angels... and I miss them both so much and I love them even more... I'd do anything to be with them... They are an extension of the love that hubby and I share. I feel so guilty that I have failed so miserably yet again...
  • I fail as a woman because I can't even properly carry a baby to term.
  • I fail as a mom because I could not even protect my own babies.
  • I fail as a wife because I cannot even give my husband a baby.
  • I fail as a daugter/ daughter-in-law because I cannot give my parents/ in-laws a grandchild.
  • I fail as a friend because I cannot give my best friend her god-child.

One year ago, I was brought to my knees and before I can even learn how to stand up and walk properly again, I am now back on my knees. This time, I am just simply too tired to even try and stand up. There's no more purpose.. no more goal.. so what's the point?

If there is a God out there, please tell him I have enough angels...


Buster the Wired Fox Terror said...

I don't know what to say, we feel so sad. We're crying for you over here. Please know we all love you.

Bussie Kissies

i said...

We're so sorry to hear this. We don't know what to say either. Here's a big hug for you. You are in our thoughts and prayers


We are so sorry to hear this. May God give you the strength to come through this.

Essex & Deacon

♥Mona + Prissy + Angel Weenie♥ said...

Mommy & I are so very sorry. The tears won't stop. Please, Please don'ty give up. Baby Lucas was waiting at the bridge with Samantha to welcome angel Chloe in and she will be well taken care of. Lucas & Chloe have each other now & they know how much you love them.

Please be brave. we are here for you.

God bless Mona & Mommy

The Black and Tans. said...

We are so very sad to read this news.

Molly and Taffy

ThePainterPack said...

I am so very sorry for your loss, yet again. I do have a close relationship with our Lord and I know that he allows things for a reason....we do not know this reason and it is so hard for us not to demand answers. If I were in your shoes, I do not know how I would react...Know that I am personally thinking and praying for you at this time...and will continue to do so in the future. You are a wonderful woman, wife, and mom to Huskee and Hershey. I believe with all my heart that there will be a child, alive and healthy, in your arms. Do not lose not lose faith. God bless you and your husband.


C.l.o.v.e.r. said...

So very sorry to hear your heartbreaking news. Can't think of any words to say. Sending lots of love, hugs and kisses your way during this difficult time. We are here for you.
Love Clove, Chewy and Mom, Jess

Lorenza said...

We don't know what to say, either. But certainly we think it is not your fault. God works mysterious ways that sometimes we don't understand but we know that he knows why.
We are praying for you, your husband, baby Lucas and baby Chloe.
Lorenza and mom

Scottie the 'Cutie' said...

Oh dear..we are so, so sorry to hear about this. Please know that you and your family are in our thoughts during this difficult time. *hugs and many licks*


Princess Patches said...

We don't know what to say, either, but we know you have NOT failed! Sometimes bad things happen to good people and we never know the reasons. You did all the right things and it just wasn't meant to be. We believe there IS a God and he will bring you through this and make you stronger. Hug your dogs and try to smile. And please don't give up! Even though we are a world away from you and have never met you in person, we know that you are a wonderful, loving person and we wish you the very best of everything!

Mom to Poppy, Penny & Patches

Casper and pals said...

We are so so sorry that this has happened twice to you.

You have not failed. Sometimes bad things happen to good people.
We don't know why. It just makes no sense.

We are all keeping you in our thoughts and prayers.

Gwyn and the dogs

Raising Addie said...

Sooo very many tears...

We are terribly sorry to hear that this has happened.

We want to start by saying the loss of your babies was not your fault. You did nothing wrong. You have NOT failed! We can't imagine the heartbreak and pain that you are feeling right now but it is not your fault.

We agree with Mona and the Mommy... don't give up. That is not an option for you right now. We know that you are a fighter. If you were not you would not have tried to have another baby.

When the time is right it will happen for you and your family. We just know it will.

You an your family will be in our thoughts and prayers. We are very thankful that you got to spend time with her and enjoy her tiny little hands and feet. And to feel and see her heartbeat. She is your sweet Chloe and our hearts are broken that she was taken from you so soon.

Lots of Luv & Kisses
Addie, Lucie, Hailey and Staci

Raising Addie said...

Sooo very many tears...

We are terribly sorry to hear that this has happened.

We want to start by saying the loss of your babies was not your fault. You did nothing wrong. You have NOT failed! We can't imagine the heartbreak and pain that you are feeling right now but it is not your fault.

We agree with Mona and the Mommy... don't give up. That is not an option for you right now. We know that you are a fighter. If you were not you would not have tried to have another baby.

When the time is right it will happen for you and your family. We just know it will.

You an your family will be in our thoughts and prayers. We are very thankful that you got to spend time with her and enjoy her tiny little hands and feet. And to feel and see her heartbeat. She is your sweet Chloe and our hearts are broken that she was taken from you so soon.

Lots of Luv & Kisses
Addie, Lucie, Hailey and Staci

Abby said...

There are no words to tell you how sorry we are for your Loss...

Please know that you are in our thoughts & prayers...

Much Love,
Abby's Mom xxxooo

the many Bs said...

we are so sorry about angel baby Chloe. we are kind of barkless about it. we don't understand why these things happen. we will keep you in our thoughts and prayers.


Toby said...

I am so sorry... As I read your post, tears came rolling down my cheeks. Although I have never been through this type of pain, I do feel yours. Your family is in our thoughts and prayers. We love you!

Joyce and Toby

Asta said...

I have so many tears and very few is NOT your fault..It's evil of anyone who even thinks that you did something wrong. I'm sixty years old and have lived through many losses, and joys, I can't explain,,why or how life works, but please don't ever doubt that it's not a punishment for you, It's not because you are a's just the pain all of us get in one way or another in life.

I mourn for your loss and can't imagine your pain. Your little angels were and are did your best and you and your hubby are wonderful, loving , good people..Pleea remember that through your tears

all our love
Ami,George and ASTA

Lacy said...

w00fs, seems like we have been here before, just last year...i just hate u have to suffer through it again...if anyone deserves children its u both...please, dont blame urselves..who knows what God's plan is, its so very hard to understand sometimes..and just mayb HE, knew the quality of life Chloe would have had and knew that u didnt want that for her..and u have not failed...dont ever for a second think that..u will have ur will just b protected by two precious child angels..

b safe,
~rocky and mama~

doyle and mollie said...

we are so sad

Jans Funny Farm said...

There just are no right words for someone who is experiencing such a horrible loss for the second time in a year. We can feel your pain in your words and know it must seem unbearable. You are in our thoughts and prayers!

Noah the Airedale said...

You have our support and love. We are just so sorry this has happened again. Thinking of you all.

Denise Noah Willow Tess & Lucy

Lady Kaos said...

Don't blame yourself Shane!!!!!!
We love you lots!! Big hugs and sloppy kisses to all 4 of you!!
Kaos, Hilary, Kris, Sasha and Gunnar

NAK and The Residents of The Khottage Now With KhattleDog! said...

We are such a loss...

I have heard those same khwestions asked by my mom...

Why do things happen...
Why do good people hurt...
Why does the pain never seem to stop...

We are so sorry fur your is so wrong on some many levels...

We know our words from the other side of the world don't lessen your pain or change anything but please please know IT IS NOTHING YOU did not fail...fur some reason something failed you...

I am so sorry...

And so wishing I khould say more...

Khyra and Phyll

Astrid Keel said...

We're so sorry to hear about your tragic loss - we're in tears reading through your post.

You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers.

Pedro said...

My heart is breaking for you. Today I write to you as Rachel, not Pedro. You did nothing, ever, to deserve this. I don't know why it happened but it certainly did not happen because you are a bad person. Though I've never met you, I know in my heart that you are good and kind and loving and I can only pray that, yes this is enough pain for you and that if you are brave enough to try again, that God gives you the child you have tried so hard to bring into this world. There is nothing I can say to help you through this awful pain, but please know I am thinking of you always and hope that you will find the stength to hold on to hope.

Rachel (and Pedro too)

Southbaygirl said...

I am SO VERY SORRY for your loss just recently and your loss a year ago! There are no words that I can say that will make you feel better except I am sorry! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family right now!

But you ARE NOT a horrible or bad mother/wife/daughter/daughter-in-law!! Repeat that! Live that! YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG!!! I can't help or tell you what has happened and why you have lost your two children! Please don't beat yourself up!!! Please don't give up!!!

I am So VERY SORRY for your losses! No one should have to go thru what you have gone thru! I agree! You have given heaven too many angels!

Please don't give up! But take time for yourself and your husband! You are both in my thoughts!

Rest in Peace Lucas and Chloe

Hugs from my entire family,

Velcro, Kodak, 3 Perf, Blossom, angel Winton and mom Penny

♥Mona + Prissy + Angel Weenie♥ said...


My has been crying all day and she wishes there was something she could do to comfort all of you.

We did my sleepy post today and used my favorite Huskee pose to post.

Angel Samantha came down and talked to Mommy today. She has a messgae for you at the end of my post.

Please feep the faith and know that we love you and will always be here for you.

Love...Mona & Monn, Sarah

Liffey said...

Sorry does not express how sad I am to hear your news. Be brave, be strong, and when you can't be either of those anymore, let Huskee, Hershey and your partner love on you. And remember- it is not your fault- it never was and it never will be.
Liffey sends licks for you but this is from her mum, Helen

♥♥ The OP Pack ♥♥ said...

I am so very sorry for your heartbreaking loss. Words are impossible to express my sorrow for your loss and your pain. Your reaction is very common, but know that you are not at fault. We don't always know the reasons why, but you know in your heart that you did everything right. My son's wife had three similar losses and she felt the same way as you do but now realizes that it was not in any way her fault. Just keep hope and stand up tall and be proud that you are the person you are. I am a religious person and I will pray for you and your family and hope that one day your dream comes true.

Hugs to you, Kathie

Deefor said...

We are so sad to hear about your loss. There are no words. Just that there is no blame, no fault. Just love.

Deefor and mom

Checkers & Chess said...

we are so sorry for you loss. we've been there and know the despair. you are in our thoughts and prayers

Teddy said...

I'm leaking lots of tears reading your sad post. I can't believe this has happened again. But don't ever believe that you're a bad person!! You are a very kind, patient and caring person. With all the love you have in your heart I have no doubt you'd be a wonderful mother. Even though I've never met you, your spirit shines through your blog and writings. You've been an inspiration to me.

Maybe there is some reason for the suffering, but I don't believe it is punishment. I've had some sad times in my past, and have learned and grown from them, as horrible as they seemed at the time. I just hope that you can find the strength to get through this pain.

Please be kind to yourself and let yourself heal.

Teddy, T-man Angel, CC-man and mom

JB's Big and Small Worlds said...

My mom is crying for you right now. We are so so sorry to hear this news. This is not your fault. You did not do something bad. Only God knows why this has happened. We are so sorry, and have no way to even beging to know how you feel. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband, and we hope you will have the strength to get through this pain.
--mom Deb, JB and Chester

Alfie's Mum said...

I feel the deep pain of your loss when I read your blog. Losing a loved one isnt easy at all. I still miss my Fi very much but memories of our times together are so alive in my heart and that has kept me going till now.
Please take care / Love / SK

Jan said...

We hope just knowing that so many care for you, even people (and dogs) like us makes you feel you are not alone.

Misty the alpha Poodle

The Musketeers said...

I think nothing we say can make you feel better anymore. But we will still support you all the way. You are in our thoughts & prayers. Think positively and try to stand up, you have not failed yet, Shane. I know one is already tough enough not saying twice.
We love you.

Lots of Hugs,
Four Musketeers, Amanda, Jack & Jenny

iko said...

my human and i don't know you, but we'd like you to know that we're down on our knees right beside you.
we don't understand this (or our own burdens) either, and we're crying with you, asking why, begging to be let in on "the secret"...

{{{baby chloe, baby lucas and their parents}}}

iko said...

now, that was really stupid of me...
i don't know how to change the info that's showing for my blog, so it showed an old blog.
mi scusi.
anyway, it's me, sienna, of

sad tailwags,

Joey said...

S&M - I don't know what to say.. and know that no words can soothe your pain. Be strong - there's still plenty of things to look forward to in life though I know it is hard to imagine now.
Don't ever think that you've failed, or you're an evil person! It's not your fault things happen the way it did.
Please take care.

Anonymous said...

We have lit a candle for your two little angels. Know that you have not failed, and know that it is OK to grieve and to feel the way you do. Sending hugs and husky kisses,

Randi and Kayla and Maebe

Stacy said...

I don't know what to say to you...losing your babies is the hardest thing in the world, especially when no one can tell you why. My prayers are with you.


Chef said...

Hi Shane.

I am so terribly sorry for your loss. Words fail me right now because there is little that can be said to make sense of this.

But be sure in your heart that it was not your fault in any way. That is a very normal reaction and in time you'll see that.

I am praying that soon you and your husband will feel strong and confident enough to try again and that you'll be blessed with the baby you so deserve.

Please be strong.

Linda (Chef's mom)

Joe Stains said...

We don't know what words can help, other than saying this is not your fault in any way. We are sending lots of hugs your way.

Tweedles -- that's me said...

Our hearts are sad with yours.
We wish there were word to say to help, but there are none.
It's not your fault- and nothing you did.
Don't give up hope.
We know your heart is broken
tweedles and moms

Wei Qian said...

I'm really sorry to hear about this! I'm really loss for words and i know that no amount of words is able to ease your pain.

Pls dont give up!

with love

Charlie said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. What a terrible ordeal to go through, especially coming so close on the heels of your previous loss. Please don't think that this is your failure; it isn't. It's a terrible tragedy, but everyone knows that that it's due to no fault of yours. When you do have a child (and I have no doubt that you will), you will love him or her even more, because you'll know first-hand just how fragile and special life is.
- Anne

Amber-Mae said...

This is so heartbreaking. I cried reading through your whole post. I am SO sorry. Please don't beat yourself up. It is NOT your fault at all! You did your best. I know some day you WILL give birth to a perfectly newborn baby that you will be able to spend all your life with. I really don't know what else to say except sorry honestly. We are thinking about you & your family. Rest In Peace Chloe. Thinking about you too Lucas.

Marvin -The Hollow Hound said...

Huskee's Mama - I called in this morning to see if all was ok, and was devastated to read your tragic post.

You must never think you have failed, never.

You have done all anyone can do in these terrible circumstances, you have tried your utmost, and given your very best.

I cannot write any more as my tears are falling for you, suffice to say, hold on in there, I too am not religious - I am just wishing upon wishing, the sun will come out for you again.

Any words I write here seem trite, but they come truly and sincerely from my heart which is so heavy for you today.

You are an amazing person, never forget this, you are so strong, you have been through so much.

Life truly is so cruel.

My thoughts are with you all.

Much love to you,

Jeannie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Molly the Airedale said...

Our hearts are breaking for you and your hubby.
You're in our thoughts and prayers, as you have been right along.

Sue, Maggie and Mitch

Angel Ginger Jasper said...

I came over from Khyra's to just say I am so sorry for your loss. There will be no words at all at this time that will help in any way. Pease though dont think you are a failure, you are ot that in any way.You also have a loving husband who is there for you and with you every step of the way.

I truly believe that there is a little baby that will come to you.
Dont give up on your dream, please dont stay on your knees. You will win through..

With love GJ and his mum Carol x

Clive said...

We were so sorry to read this. You have been in our thoughts every day and we were really hoping and praying for good news. I've been there - its truly horrible but please don't think its your fault.

Take care of yourself

Alasandra, The Cats and Dogs said...

I am so sorry for your losses. I wish I could find the words to make it better.

~Alasandra, The Cats & A Dog

Ruby and Penny said...

We are so, so sorry for your loss. The loss of a child is so difficult to bare.
Hugs to you.
Love Ruby & Penny

Rocky Creek Scotties and Rocky Creek Ramblings said...

I came over from Khyrra's blog to tell you how sorry I am for the loss of your little girl. Please don't feel you did anything wrong in any way. You had such wonderful hopes and dreams for your little angel.

You have to remember the wonderful parts of being pregnant and the blessings you received from it. And I think you do.

Take care of yourself now and don't beat yourself up.

Lynn (mom of the Rocky Creek Scotties and Java)

Life With Dogs said...

My mother had nine miscarriages in order to have my brother and I. You have not failed at all - this is just a very unpleasant hurdle, and I am so sorry you find it in your path...

Teesha and Bindie said...

I feel such sadness for you, such pain. I can't say it will get easier because I know those precious wanted angels will always be in your heart for the rest of your life. You have done nothing wrong, you are not a failure to anyone. You have no need or reason to feel guilty. I'm not religious, but I have a believe in a higher being, s/he sees what we can't, it wasn't time for your little princess.

Achieve1dream said...

Just heard what happened. So sorry for your loss. Wish I could give you a hug.

Samantha ~ Holly and Zac ~ said...

We are very sorry for your loss. I don't know what to say.
Both of your sweet angels will be in our thoughts. *hugs to you and your hubby*

Samantha, Holly & Zac.

Golden Samantha said...

And we just heard and read as well. We are very sad for your losses and it is hard to know what to say except that we are here for you and love you, and ackowledge that you are going through so much pain. But please don't give up ever. We're thinking of you -
Hugs xo

Tin Tin Blogdog said...

Oh no ...

... we are so sorry to hear about your loss, we can only imagine your pain.

Please know we're thinking about you and sending you loving hugs.

Love from Jen, Rob & Tin Tin xo

The Brat Pack said...

We are so, so sorry to hear this news. Sending love your way.

Maryann & The Brats

Jack & Moo said...

Kathy, you and your family are in my prayers, this is such a tragic loss. May the Higher Power of your own understanding comfort you and give you peace.

Star & Jack's mom

Unknown said...

hi huskee.. and family...
we are so sorry to hear this..

send all our love..

Molly and Gertrude said...

I am so sad to read your story, and feel for you tremendously, more than you could know. I just wanted to write something to say that there are many people out here who share your grief and who are with you now, even if we don't even know you. But most importantly, you have not failed anybody. Please believe that. Take care and I'll be thinking of your sweet angels too. Kate

Ozzie, Rocky and Lola said...

I am so sorry. I can only imagine the pain you must suffer...But you must truly believe in your hearts that you did right by Chloe. She is whole in heaven and probably would not have had that luxury here on earth...

Putter said...

We are thinking of you and praying for you ...

Much Love,

Kate and Putter

The Meezers or Billy said...

i don't have enough words to give to you at this time. i know from personal experience what you are going through and I know that it's a hard road ahead. Please keep your head up - you are absolutely NOT a failure. God Bless you and I pray that you will receive the strength you need to get through the days ahead. - MeezerMomMary

Peanut said...

We know that nothing we can say will change how you are feeling at this moment. Just know that our hearts are breaking for you.

Gemini and Ichiro said...

We saw that you had had so many losses over at Jan's Funny Farm. We are here to add our thoughts. Please do not think you are a failure--God/The universe/whatever has other plans for you and you are doing beautifully. Remember that there are many wonderful people who are here to support you in this difficult time.

Paco,Milo, Maya and mommy Simona said...

We're so sorry for you and you angel!!!
We're crying over here...
sure it was a very very difficult decision but we think you done the right thing!!!!
And dear haven't're a very very good women.....we don't know why God sometimes give lots of suffering to the same people consecutively...but sure isn't your guilt ok????
Lucas & Chloe have each other now & they know how much you love them!!!!!!!!!!
Pleaseeee take care of you....we're here for you if you need!!!
Lots of love and kisses

LuLu and LoLLy! said...

Dear Huskee and Hershey, Please tell your humans that we read about you on Jan's blog and we are so so so so sorry.

The Taylor CatSSSSS said...

I'm a friend of Asta, Ami & George. I'm writing you because I lost my daughter when I was six months pregnant. November 11, 1997. I think about her every day. THIS WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. I'm so sorry that you have been through this twice now. I know, from experience, that there are just no words that will help right now.

I'm just so very sorry.


Bell-icious said...

sorry to hear this... Huggies...

Sassy Kat said...

I am so sorry that your family is having to go through so much sadness. There are no words of comfort to help you only that you should know that others care and pray for you.
Our family had to wait eight years for their granbaby and many sad times. The chances of having a gran were almost impossible but our blessing is now three years old. It doesn't help now but have faith that someday your wishes and dreams may come true. The doctors don't always know what will be. It is out of your hands only time will tell.
I pray that someday you will hold your child and will not be able to imagine anyone else but this one. That is how our family feels.
It was a long road but we made it to the end and hope you will too.

Moco said...

We are so sorry to hear this news. We would never consider you a failure and hope that you do not feel that way either.

Ms. ~K said...

My heart aches for you, as I know your loss and pain too well!

Stanley said...

Sweet Shane.

All of us here love you and are so happy you are in this world and that we know you. We are grieving with you that Chloe is not here too, but we're certain she felt the amazing love of her mama and her dad during the short time she was here.

Wish we could hug you and let you feel our love.

Love, hugs and smooches,
Lisa (for Stanley & Stella)

Mia said...

We will keep you and your family in our thoughts and prayers. You most certainly have enoung angels for one family. My heart breaks for you and your family.

Dexter said...

We are all so sad for your loss. Please do not feel responsible. The loss itself must be unbearable, but it is not your fault. You are right, she was just ready to go and be with her brother.

I hope that the good thoughts coming through can help ease your suffering a bit.

Mango Momma

Mason Dixie said...

I am at a loss as to what to say and to only repeat all the things that have been said. You have a rough road to travel and know that when you are ready to stand up and face that road we are all here to help you along it. We are all here for your moral support. And we will be the legs to help you move. My thoughts are with you.

Rambo said...

We are so sad to hear that you lost baby Chloe, and there are no words to express the way we feel. Sorry just isn't enough.

You did not fail at being a wife, mother, or friend. None of this is your fault. God has another purpose for Chloe, and you have to believe that Chloe is happy in heaven working as one of God's angels.

Please know that you are in our thoughts and our prayers.
Rambo, Midget Molly and G-Mom

Dawn said...

Of course there are no words of comfort for you. No way we can truly make this better. It seems impossible for a human to handle this pain again, it's too much to bear. Just know that so many people are wishing your pain to ease, for your heart to ache a little less.

Don't beat yourself up. I know many people, both those close to you and some you have never met, have told you that you are NOT a failure! This is entirely not your fault. This is something unknown that you could not control. You are not evil, you did nothing wrong. This makes no sense and that is hard, but certainly don't make it harder by blaming yourself.

Let your family give you comfort. You need to allow them to help you through this. They love you and always will. No matter what.

Please find peace where and when you can.

Mango the Maltese kiddo said...

Dear Shane,
Mango's Mom here.
In the last few days, many times I have wanted to write to you and Baby Chloe but I just couldn't do it.
Just thought of you being hurting emotionally and physically, I choked back tears feeling helpless.
I know no words could comfort you now Shane, it's not fair for you to endure the pain of losing your children, twice in within a year!
I was not here last year when you lost Baby Lucas. When I got to know you, I took time to read all of your posts, the night that I finished reading the post about losing him, I felt so close to you and loved you even more.
19 years ago, I lost my baby at 12 weeks pregancy. When I saw the precious tiny fetus, I bursted out crying loud and hard.
Shane, please don't give up the hope having healthy and beautiful children. Please give yourself time to grieve the loss of your pregnancy, and let Mark and your family, your friends helping you.
Emotional healing may take much longer than physical healing. Please talk to your doctor if you're feeling profound sadness, ok Shane.
I remember a few months ago, I read a comment that Huskee left in somone's blog that you needed a few days bedrest, I felt so happy sensing some very good news about you.
I will sense it again, no doubt about it, love you and Mark and Huskee and Hershey very much.
Take care sweety, we all care about you.

Thoughts said...

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't blame this on yourself. It is ABSOLUTELY not your fault. I know that's easier said than done but it's true. God himself only knows why this happened, and he needed these babies for another purpose, perhaps to be angels to watch over you.

I am so sorry for you and hope you can take at least an ounce of comfort in knowing the support that is around you in the blogosphere. We are praying for your family every day and night...

Jaime Smith

Par said...

Reading this brought me to tears.
Pearly and I send hugs your way.

Lenny said...

lots of love and prayers to you.

Anonymous said...


I came over from Mango's blog and am a friend of Life With Dogs... I don't have children, nor do I aspire to have them, but I admire and wish for parents like you to have plenty of them. And you will. I have no doubt that you will. and you will be a fabulous mother in every way.

My deepest sorrows to you and your family.