Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Hello everyone... Just wanted to let you know that we are fine. Mom's still 'leaking' a bit, especially if she sees a baby or when she sees/ hears something that will trigger the 'tap'. But on the whole, she is slowly accepting the loss and trying to move on with her life.

She's also been trying to keep herself busy by doing up the new house. (From my acute observation, she's not really 'doing up' anything.. she's just unpacking cartons and cartons and cartons of her clothes, bags, accessories and shoes!! You'll be amazed the amount of stuff she has!!) Poor Dad's been trying his best to 'guard' the limited cupboard space he has before her stuff 'invades' into his territory as well.

Most of the furniture has arrived and all of the cartons have been unpacked. So to keep her busy for a longer time, I have taken it upon myself to pee all over the house. *defensively* Hey, so long as it keeps her busy, right??! RIGHT?? The next thing she wants to try to do is read up all the manuals for the appliances ('cos all the appliances are new). The washing machine for one, has been making the weirdest noise when she tried to use it the first time... (and the silly woman forgot to separate 2 new BLACK towels she just bought, so the entire load of clothes were discoloured... the lighter ones ended up in various shades of grey to be exact).


Huskee's Mama (Shane) here - I just want to say THANK YOU to all the lovely people who have left so many words of encouragement and support. Honestly, just a simple 'thank you' is not suffcient to express my gratitude... At the darkest point of my life, you have shown me a ray of light and it really helps to know that there are so many people who cares about us and Baby Lucas.

I have always known that DWB is a great community where there are loads of lovely people with their furry friends, but this incident really showed me just how wonderful all of you really are.
  • Greg, Brooke, Opy and Charlie: Thank you for creating this little piece of Heaven called Dogs with Blogs... (And special thanks to Brooke for your lovely email)
  • Helios' M and MM, Jack & Joey and their HC, Tommy and his parents: Thank you for the lovely flowers and teddy bear. I have given the teddy to Lucas and it is his very first (and only) toy. Teddy is now sitting proudly in the room that is supposed to belong Lucas.
  • Boy and Baby's mom (Mas): Thank you for simply being there and for listening without judging
  • Boo Boo (J), Girl Girl (Eil) and Jay (Jul): Thank you for the very cute teddy and lovely card... She certainly brightened up my day!

  • Angel Lacy Lulu, Bear, Rocky and their mama Claudette: Thanks for checking on us to make sure we are ok...

  • Scuba and his mom (Viv): For checking on me everyday without fail and for your love, support and patience.

To be honest, I am still looking for the 'closure' that I have been seeking cos I know I need to move on with my life and let my angel go to where he belongs. But it really is easier said than done. There is still a lot of bottled up questions, frustrations, guilt and anger... and now I am begining to question myself if there is something wrong with me for not 'getting over it'. Maybe the reason is because deep down, I don't want to 'get over it'... I don't want my baby to be forgotten.


Ben & Darling said...

Hi Shane, glad you are trying to get better nowadays....Im not good in writing or comforting, so we will be thinking of you....take care.

zen, Ben, Twinkle & family

Goofy said...

Hi, Shane,

Same goes here.. Glad that you are trying to move on better each day.

Everything will be better and beautiful when u know baby Lucas is watching you from high above in heaven, and wishing you, and your family to be happy.

Lily and Goofy

Par said...

Try to keep busy...
Hugs and takecare.

Amber said...

Hello Shane, We are so sorry to hear about the very very sad news. the news really saddened us. Be strong and we know Lucas knows how much you and your husband love him. Our hearts go out for you two, will be thinking about you.
Take care
Love Amber & Jamie

Simba and Jazzi said...

You'll never forgot Baby Lucas he will always be in your thoughts and in your heart. Stay strong.

Simba and his Mummy xx

Anonymous said...

Hey guys...We're sorry we haven't been around (Computer probs) We're very sorry for you loss. Words can't even express it. You will be in our thoughts and prayers. *Puppy kisses and hugs*

Bruin and Barb

Molly the Airedale said...

Baby Lucas will always be near and dear to you - always! One day at a time! We love you guys!

Love ya lots,
Maggie, Mitch and Sue

Lady Kaos said...

Hi Shane,
There is nothing wrong with you at all. Take your time and stay busy, but not too busy. Closure for what you've been through and what is going on in your head will take some time, don't rush it. Lots of "leaking" and hugs from your adorable Huskee Boy will help a lot.
Good luck with the appliances. I've always hated having to learn how to use new appliances when I move.
Hilary & Kaos

Lizzy said...

Huskee and family,

I just read about what's happened today, and I really have no words to express how sorry I am! We will pray for you all and keep you in our thoughts. I must say, as I was reading your last post, I broke into tears... I'm so sorry... Your baby will never be forgotten!

Sparky and family

Hammer said...

Dear Shane
The worst thing you can do is 'move on' too fast. Grief is one of the most difficult experiences to survive. You need to honour your love for Lucas and the depth of your loss and give yourself all the time you need to grieve because this will allow you to heal. If you rush your grief this will only come back and bite you even more severely later on.
Lucas will never be forgotten. Love from Susan

Lorenza said...

Please don't think there is something wrong with you. You have the right to express your feelings.
Baby Lucas will be forever in your heart.
Kisses and hugs
Lorenza and mom

Joe Stains said...

Mom has lost lots of folks she loves in her family, many before she was even out of school and she is not over it. Anyone who tells you that you should get over it needs a box of poop mailed to them!!!! You continue with life and take everything you learned from this terrible experience to be a better, stronger person, but you never ever have to get over it. I SAID SO!!!

Asta said...

Hello Shane
There is nothing wrong with you..grieving takes time..and it's different for for letting go..Lucas will always be with you , in your don't have to ever let him go.
I'm glad you have some things to do to keep you occupied's the time when ou have too much time to think that it hurts the most
you'rein our prayers and hearts
Astasends lots of smoochie kisses and hopes that dawling Huskee Boy can make you smile..the way he does us
Asta and Ami

Lacy said...

w00f's Huskee, Moosie, Mom and Dad, i have never met u, and sadly prolly never will...but all of u at dwb's is like my extended family, when u are hurting i am...there are steps u go through in the grieving process and that takes time...its good that u have ur hubby, huskee, moosie and ur family and friends close...and that u have things to put ur mind on...when i am not busy, i think way to much...take your time, u must have been trying to get pregnant for awhile and u cant expect urself to get over ur loss so i said it takes time..just no, that we all love u and will keep u in our thoughts and prayers..

b safe,
angel lacylulu
and mama, claudette!!

Peanut said...

This isn't something you have to get over. Hopefully each day will get a little easier but Lucas will always be a part of you and that isn't something you just get over.

Girl Girl Hamster said...

Good job you're doing Huskee oppa. I think the discolored clothes will look like you with spots of black and grey. :)

Shane take your time for your closure. Baby Lucas will and should never been forgotten.
Be Strong...

~ Girl girl

Myeo said...


Baby Lucas will never be forgotten, he will always be in your heart.

Boy, Baby & Mom

BrandytheGreat said...

Hello there, glad you're posting again!
Baby Lucas will NOT be forgotten. Deep down, he will always be there.

Putter said...

Hi Huskee!

Hi! OMG! We think of you so often here! I am gladdest ever that you like your new housie! I must say I am a little scared of MINE! OMG! Take good care of YOU and Your MAMA okayest ever!


Putter ...:)

Deefor said...

Take all the time you need. There are no rules for these things. Leak a lot if you want.

Deefor and Mom

Scruffy, Lacie and Stanley's Place said...

Oh Shane...
I read your post and it broke my heart. You are absolutely right!! I had a miscarriage between my two children and I felt all of the things you seem to be feeling now. I will tell you that every March 20th (and it's been 21years....) I think of my child who was not to be. I'm convinced she was a girl...and her name was Kathleen. I know I will see her again! Funny...I've never told that to anyone else before...not even my husband. You see how powerful your words are!

This isn't something you can just "move on" in a week or so. Everybody grieves differently; your body and soul will heal at their own rate. Be gentle with yourself! And don't think for a minute this is something you could have prevented.

I don't know why these things happen. (I do know if my miscarriage hadn't happened I would never had had my son I have today who was born later. Strange, isn't it?) I think there are somethings that are just out of our hands. And for the comments that people make ie you can try again...people want to make things better. It's just that the grieving process is such an individual thing...a private thing that somehow or another even when you're completely devestated you find the strength to go on.

I am so glad you named Lucas. It's a beautiful name and I will be thinking of him when I celebrate small moments in my day and in the days ahead.

Huskee will comfort you, I know. He knows something is wrong. Dogs do.

Please email me if you want;

We'll be thinking of you and your husband! Hugs to you both and to Huskee!!

Love, Marilyn...

Scruffy, Lacie and Babystan's Mumsie

Amber-Mae said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Amber-Mae said...

It's very difficult to forget about someone you've just lost. I'm just glad to know you're moving on. We're thinking about you Shane. Please take care...

Butt wiggles,
Solid Gold Dancer

Emily and Ike said...

I am so sorry about your loss. That's truly tragic.

JB's Big and Small Worlds said...

Just came to check on your mom again. You must never forget Lucas. Stay strong and take care.

andrahyb said...

Dear Shane,

Sorry if this comes late...
We actually messed up things a little.

We're glad to know that things are picking up slowly but surely. Baby Lucas is never to be forgotten, feel free to express yourself for its never easy to lose a loved one, les' forgetting.

You'll be in our thoughts and prayers, may God keep all of you under his mighty wings.

Andrea, Goofy & Rudolf

andrahyb said...

Dear Shane,

Sorry if this comes late...
We actually messed up things a little.

We're glad to know that things are picking up slowly but surely. Baby Lucas is never to be forgotten, feel free to express yourself for its never easy to lose a loved one, les' forgetting.

You'll be in our thoughts and prayers, may God keep all of you under his mighty wings.

Andrea, Goofy & Rudolf

Jackson's J1 and J2 said...

Hello Shane, still thinking of you and sending wirey hugs. J1 & Jackson x

Urban Smoothie Read said...

hey huskee,

u are doing a great job there... keep messing up the new house to keep her occupied

Charlie said...

We're so sorry you lost Lucas. Losing a loved one is something I don't think you ever get over or past, but it gets easier to live with in time.
- Charlie's mom

T-man Angel said...

Huskee, I know you'll do a good job keeping your mom busy while she's going through her hard time. Don't forget to keep giving her hugs and kisses. Pees are alright, but they can't replace a Huskee kiss.

Stanley said...

Hey, Huskee Boy!

Glad you're making yourself at home! It's definitely your place now that you've peed everywhere.

Please tell your mama that there is no timetable to grief. It just happens. There's nothing to get over, but you just keep living and working through whatever comes up and how you feel. Tell your mama to take her time. Every hooman is different in how they grieve. Lucas will always be part of her and your dad's life. He was one LOVED little guy.

Goober love & lots of smooches,