If Chloe was still with us/ inside me, this would be her 32nd week and even if I went into premature labour now, Chloe would have had a great chance of survival without any of those dreaded complications. Why couldn't I have these few extra weeks, 8 to be exact, which would have made such a huge difference between her life and death? These few extra weeks would have saved me from all the heartache and shedding so so much tears. These few extra weeks would have made me a 'real' mummy. These few extra weeks would have changed our family unit and made it complete. These few extra weeks would have changed my life forever.
I have been toying with the thought of getting a tattoo in the past but never did it because I was afraid of the pain. Now seems like the 'right' time to do it because I don't think any physical pain can surpass the pain that my heart went through when I had to go through labour twice with the full knowledge that I won't have a baby to bring home at the end of it. The tattoo which I thought of getting will defintely be somehow related to Lucas and Chloe. It's not that I need something to remind me of them.. this won't ever be necessary cos they will always be in my heart and on my mind, but I really wanted something 'tangible' that I can look at, feel, etc.
Sorry, just wanted to vent and let off a bit of steam cos I am having a bad day... I miss them more than I dare admit.