Monday, July 27, 2009

(Shane here) Yesterday marked the 1st month since we lost Baby Chloe. Last night while we were lying in bed watching E! News and trying to go to sleep, Mark quietly told me that he missed her. I know that he loved and missed her as much as I did all these while, but I guess he'd always been trying to be strong for the both of us, so he
rarely said it out aloud. He'd usually only say it as a response to me telling him that I missed her... Hearing him say it without my prompting last night broke my heart all over again. I really, really hope that although Lucas and Chloe have left us, they take away with them all the love we have.

Those same unanswered questions raced through my mind after that... Why did this have to happen to us again?!! What went wrong during the 2 pregnancies?? What did we do to deserve this??! Are Lucas and Chloe together now?? Where are our babies?? Are they happy?! Do they miss us / think of us??!

Eventually, I drifted off to sleep with a pillow soaked with tears and those questions going through my mind like an unbroken mantra. (Sadly, I woke up this morning with my questions left unanswered.)


The pawrents went on a short vacation on a cruise cos they just wanted go away and laze and not
have to do anything, so a cruise seemed like the pawfect option. They spent a lot of time in each other's company and in a way, it's been a pretty long time since they've spent quality time with each other (mom always harped that 'quantity time is not the same as quality time'..).

For those few days, dad can't check his office email and there were no calls from the office... so all he could do is relax and chill out. In a way, little Chloe has made this possible because mom and dad have not really gone on a real 'vacation' for a while. They used to be so caught up in the rat race with something called 'work'... endless emails, late night conference calls, etc... that sometimes they lose focus on what really matters.

Mom said that going through such major setbacks make her re-evaluate her life and realise what's really important. More importantly, it made her realise how fragile life is. (Although she and dad still need their jobs to keep the roof over our heads and to ensure that we are all fed - not forgetting our vitamins, toys and treats too!! If they have any extra money left, it can then go towards replacing all
the things in the house that Hershey had destroyed.. LOL!!))

Anyway, their so-called vacation costed too much and was too short (although they have already booked the longest one available.)
Here's a pic of the cabin... mom had 'no choice' but to book a cabin with a balcony although it costs (a lot) more because dad gets motion sickness easily and is quite claustophobic, so having a cabin with a balcony will hopefully be better for him.

Unfortunately, it didn't really work cos around lunchtime on the second day, the sea got a bit choppy and poor dad started to feel sick and woozy. He skipped lunch and took some motion sickness pill before mom brought him back to the room to rest. Evil mom took the below pics while dad was totally knocked out... **snigger**

Luckily dad recovered after a short rest and by dinner time, he was back to normal and was looking forward to the dinner. From the looks of it, they had Japanese food for dinner... **wiping drool away**.

Actually mom confessed to me that they both ate A LOT during the trip.. like 5 meals a day, and looking at the number of food pics in the camera, I believe her totally. Little wonder why dad complained that his jeans feel a little snug after the trip!! Heehee...

Other than gorging themselves silly, they also did other things like playing board games, something that neither have done in a REALLY long time...

As you can see, dad put on his (yellow) thinking cap to play Scrabble and he made mom laugh out loud by coming up with the below... those words are not bad, but unfortunately there aren't enough boxes on the board to fit them all in!! My dad's quite a joker, isn't he?!!

Oh, and I think the 2 of them missed the both of us so much that they vandalised the ship.... I found the proof in the camera. But well, being the typical shy Asian pawrents who are not good at expressing their feelings, they didn't want to admit it and mom even said something about it being a 'Helipad'... Hey, we know better right??! That giant 'H' really stands for 'Huskee' and 'Hershey'..


icelads said...

Hi Shane, I really hope that I can answer all the questions in your mind. Lucas and Chloe is always in your heart, that is why you feel the pain, they also in our heart, that is why we in tears when reading your feeling in Huskee & Hershey blog. I'm sure they are together happily because they got all of our love here...

DoDo and MoMo said...

sends you happy thoughts only . . .

big sloppy kisses and licks . . .

Simba and Jazzi said...

How thoughtful painting a big H for you. We hope the trip away helped your parents find some of the love they have lost.

Simba and Jazzi xx

Mango said...

I hope your dad was able to enjoy himself. My momma gets terrible sea sickies and knows how awful it feels.

Hopefully it was a nice break and a good vacation.


Chow Chow said...

I'm glad your parents had a good holiday. The food look especially yummy! I wonder if they doggy-bag anything for you...I guess not!

Dory's Backyard said...

Lots of happy thoughts to your pawrents. Make sure they get lots of love from you !


The OP Pack said...

We know you are still very sad and all but it is wonderful that you had this time away. We do hope you were able to relax and enjoy it some.

Woos, the OP Pack

Boo Casanova said...

i think they should paint more H all over the cruise. :D hope your human feel better now.

wet wet licks


♥玮倩 said...

I'm glad that your pawrent get to have a get away and spend quality time together! (:

best regards

Ms. ~K said...

So glad Mom and Dad got away for some well-deserved quality time...
When our Rama was younger she had the same sorrow and loss...
Sending lots of hugs,
Zack, Sassy and Buddy

Samantha ~ Holly and Zac ~ said...

We agree with the Op Pack, we hope your pawrents did enjoy their break away.

Holly & Zac...XX

Maggie and Mitch said...

Your mom and dad sure do deserve their time away, Huskee! Our thoughts are with them!

Love ya lots
Maggie and Mitch

Ludo van Doggy said...

Looks like a great holiday, I just hope it went some of the way towards helping you heal.

Khyra The Siberian Husky And Sometimes Her Mom said...

Ah yes!



Deefor said...

I'm glad your pawrents got some rest and got away from working and had some time together. And I know you and Hershey will cheer them up.


Mango the Maltese kiddo said...

I add some more H's:
Haha, I hush now!
Hershey and Huskee,
We're glad that your pawrents were able to make a nice trip at last.
The food looks so attractive and tempted!
Tight hugs to you, auntie Shane, just wet my little shoulder, it's much softer than the pillow!
Auntie Shane, did you have your hair cut, you look cute!
And Happy Belated Birthday to you uncle Mark!
You have motion sickness, me too, I don't enjoy car ride at all, let alone the cruise ship!
Love y'all

JB's Big World said...

WE are sending over more purrs to your mom and dad. Lucas and Clhoe will always be remembered.
Mom says all that food looks very scrumptious.

(( SKY )) said...

Sad to see how much pain it is for you and your husband. Hopefully things will be easier for you. Hugs!

Gus, Louie and Callie said...

Mom is really is hard to find the answers to all those questions. You are doing a great job just put one foot in front of the other and hang in there.. Remember all the great things you have not what you have lost..
Mom is sending you and Enormous HUG....

Big Sloppy Kisses
Gus, Louie and Callie

Dawn said...

We're glad you took the time to have a bit of togetherness away from home. Hope it helped a tiny bit. Still think of you every day.

Jan's Funny Farm said...

We're glad your folks took some real time together, even if it was too short and too expensive. And of course they missed you.

Their sadness over losing two babies is understandable. And as icelads said, they both live in your hearts.

Joe Stains said...

We don't have the answers for sure but we have lots of hugs and good vibes. The holiday looks good and I am glad they were able to get away and have some fun.

Teddy said...

I really believe that Lucas and Chloe are together watching over you. I'm sure they are missing you too...but believe in time that you will be reunited someday.

That looked like a wonderful trip you took. The food looked scrumptious.


Toby said...

Hi Shane,

As I read your post, I could feel your pain. Please take care of yourself. Lucas and Chloe wouldn't want to see you sad all the time.

We're always thinking of you...

Joyce & Toby

happy said...

We understand how hard it is for you to go through this. It isn't fair, is it? Guess we do not always have an answer in time of pain and agony. But hope you'll be comforted in knowing that everyone is here for you.

Angel Lucas and Chloe wouldn't want to see you so sad. That's why they sent you the big H. They know grief takes time but they want you to be happy again in time to come. So do we.

Lorenza said...

I wish I could answer your questions but I can't. I just know that Lucas and Chloe are together and you have two little angels that will be always in your heart.
Glad you and Mark had a nice time all for yourselves.
Take care
Kisses and hugs

Raising Addie said...

That vacation looked like a lot of fun! That is the biggest room that my mom has ever seen on a boat! Tell your dad not to feel bad about the boat making him sick. Our mom gets motion sickness while driving in dad's new car. She has not worked out how to make trips pleasant in the car yet. Don't tell dad though, it will break his heart.

Our hearts go out to you Shane. But we know that both of your babies are safe together enjoying each other while they watch over you. We can't begin to understand the pain that you are feeling, but we can tell you that we are always here for you.

Lots of Luv & Kisses
Addie, Lucie, Hailey and Staci

Tee said...

Hello Huskee and Hershey and pawrents,

We're glad to see that your pawrents are taking some time out for themselves. We guess their answers about their loss will never be answered ... but with time, those bouts of angst will get shorter and shorter ... though they will never be forgotten though. Just easier to deal with.

Licks and wags

Tuffy and the Dog Woods Pack

The Great Rock Eater said...

Glad you two got a little time away from it all. I know it doesn't change what has happened, but at least this reinforces that you still have each other and hopefully, you can find some peace together.
As always, you are in our thought and prayers.

Jess & Lilo

Martha Basset said...

We are still thinking of you and glad you are able to share you loss. Sometimes grief can drive couples apart but you are growing forever closer in acknowleding your shared pain.
We are glad you had that lovely holiday enjoying the simple and healing things in life.
It probably doesn't feel like it right at this moment but truly it will not always feel this bad.
Sending you all our love
Martha, Bailey & Mum xxxx

the 4 Bs said...

hi Huskee and Hershey and parents, we hope that the vacation made you feel a little better. we will always remember Chloe and Lucas. we don't know why they had to go to heaven so soon.

that wonderful food looked yummy. it's almost making us drool. of course the H is for you two pups.


Moco said...

That looked like a very nice holiday. We are sure that the H was for the two of you. Your mom didn't want to get into trouble for admitting to painting it.

Madi and Mom said...

Hi Huskey and Hershey....we are thrilled to hear from you and your Mom. I'm so glad they had a good vacation and were able to relax some after the emotional months they've recently had. Please know we think of you all and have you in our prayers...give mom and dad big wet doggie kisses.
Madi and Mom

Lady Kaos said...

First, BIG We're excited to hear that your parnts were able to get away for a vacation together. Lucas and Chloe are definately together and they definately miss all of you and love all of you very much. i wish we could answer your why question!!!
Love you guys!
Kaos & Hilary