Thursday, July 17, 2008

Today marks the 'first month anniversary' since mom's miscarriage... Mom went back to work this week and she went into the office real early because she wanted to settle down emotionally before everyone else starts coming in. The first thing that got her crying was the calendar on her desk (yes, she is using a very childish cartoon calendar (*giggle*) and please ignore the messy stuff that she's written all over cos those are her weekly conference call reminders.

If you can see on the left column under 'SUN', she's actually used it to track the week of her pregnancy. It's something that she'd started doing once she found out she was pregnant. So this is 'supposedly' the 18th going on 19th week IF she did not lose the baby. And of course there were other 'reminders' lying around on her desk, like the half eaten bottle of vitamins, the pair of flat sandals under her desk...

After she got through the first day in one piece, the second day was a little better until someone asked her 'Are you pregnant?' She was stumped for a reply... should it be 'Oh yes, I was pregnant but not anymore now. Thank you for asking.' or 'No I am not, but I used to be?!'

In the afternoon, she received a beautiful bouqet of geberas from somepup who is so very thoughtful and sweet. Jay sent this as a surprise to cheer mom up, knowing that she had a tough time on her first day at work. Mom was so touched... And it definitely lifted her spirits! THANK YOU, JAY (and Auntie Julie for paying for Jay's purchase with your ummm.. credit card!! Please don't scold Jay ok?).


Huskee's mom --- I do apologise if Huskee's blog had been very 'negative' and filled with gloom lately. I would love to be able to go back to 'before' where I can blog about happy stuff. It's just that there really isn't anything fantastic/ good that's happening in our lives nowadays and nothing really worth talking about. Actually, nothing seems to matter anymore...everything seems so mundane and meaningless... There used to be so much to look forward to, i.e. the new house followed by the baby's arrival. Now the house complete but it'd never be called a 'home' cos it is incomplete... Our baby is not there to complete the picture and turn our 'house' into 'home'.

Nowadays, writing the blog has somehow turned into my own 'diary' (oops.. sorry Huskee!!)... It's become very 'theraputic' for me because this is where I feel I can let out my real emotions and where I won't be judged or have to put up with cruel remarks. The only downside is that I could be boring everyone to tears with my sad 'life story'... !! Seriously, I know that no one wants to read a sob story... I'd much rather read something funny and cheery, so I won't blame you if you decide you don't want to visit this blog anymore!

Tomorrow is hubby's birthday. I don't think there'd be any fancy celebrations this year cos we are just not in the mood to celebrate. Also, it just feels so wrong to be 'celebrating' when we've only just lost Lucas. People say that something like a miscarriage can either break a couple up or strengthen the relationship. I don't know what the future holds for us, but I do know that I love him so much and am so grateful to him for being so strong during my weakest moment. I wouldn't know how I could've managed to get to this stage without him.

Special message to Lucas' Daddy -

Happy Birthday to you, Darling...

With lots of love,

Your wife & sons (Huskee Boy & Angel Lucas)


Girl Girl Hamster said...

Aww... Please dont be sad... Sometimes we can't avoid the things happening around us but you still have a bootiful family (& Huskee) at home for you at the end of the day. They'll be there for you.
We'll be here for you too

~ Girl girl

Boo Boo said...

You still got me!!!!!

R.E.M.E.M.B.E.R ??????

I can make you smile :)))))))))))

BWTH Dog House said...

Er....I forgot what I wanna said after reading BooBoo's comment....*recall recall*

Okok...Huskee, we still love your blog eventhough your blog has been taken over by your mom coz we love her too and please ignore those stoopid hooman that say stoopid thingy to your mom. They know nothing!!

Then we like the flower from Jay, Jay is sure a lovely pup and a smart one for using Auntie Julie's CC. Hahaha.

Last, we would like to wish your daddy a happy birthday, I know its hard to be happy but still hope he has a nice birthday.

We will be thinking of you & your family and.....the birthday cake...if any....Ops...sorry, I just love food.

Take care.

slurp licks,

Goofy said...

Oopsss.. Don't get sad.. mom said she'll always be there for you mommy...
Take your time to sooth things right..


kiss and hugs from
Goofy & mommy

Lacy said...

w00f's Huskee, mom and dad...1st happy birfday to ur daddy...and second going back to work after a loss iz very sad...lots of things to remind u need reminding, right..and u say in ur bloggy what u wanna say...being able to talk about things helps sum..that wuz soo nice of jay and mama to send u flowers...

b safe,

pp's angel lacylulu will watch over Baby Lucas...

Amber-Mae said...

It's really hard to forget about it when you have things around that reminds you about it. Jay's owners were so nice to leave that bouquet of flowers there on your table. Bet it made you smile!

Butt wiggles,
Solid Gold Dancer

Boo said...

so thoughtful of jay's owner. that's one really pretty bouquet.

wet wet licks


Simba said...

Sounds like your Mummy had a hard day. But its over now and tomorrow will be better. Your Mummy and Daddy sound like very special people, give them a nose lick from me.

Simba x

Maggie & Mitch said...

Happy birthday to Lucas and Huskee's dad!
One day at a time! We love your mom and we love you, Huskee!
Jay was very sweet to send your mom gerberas at her office!

Love ya lots,
Maggie and Mitch

Cassidy said...

We just wanted to send some kissies and snuggles to you all.

Cassidy x

Ms. _______ 2 be ! said...

This is your blog, you put down your thoughts as you wish.
Always love to hear from you whether it's about huskee or not.

Deefor said...

Hi Huskee Boy
I think you are very understanding about your mom. And the flowers are really nice. Tell your mom that writing about her feelings is fine-- I like to let my feelings out too. That's why I bark a lot sometimes.


Ruby Bleu said...

Be strong...we will always be here for you...

Michele & Ruby

BrandytheGreat said...

Aww, dont be sad...nobody gets bored reading about you! (and Huskee!)
PS. Your mom's calendar looks ver cute..! We're glad to hear that she is back at work! Be happy and SmiLE!

blingblingnauties said...

I m sorry but don't be sad. I do not know what to say to make you feel better, take care my friend.

Kat / TF MA

Two Schnauzers from New England said...

Hi, everyone -

Happy Birthday to Dad. We are sure Huskee Boy understands what you have been through.

It was nice of Jay to give you the flowers.

Take care of yourselves.

Love -

Hershey, Kaci and Mama

Lady Kaos said...

Dear Huskee's Mom,
Don't feel bad about not having anything exciting or happy to blog about. We all totally understand and will never stop reading. We are here for you while you get through your sad period (and we don't care if it takes 2 more days or 2 more months!) and we'll be here for you when you can finally start getting bak to the before feelings. Like I said before though, take your time, don't rush into feeling "happy" just because you think that's what you're supposed to do. Just be sad for awhile. You may not feel it right now, but I think you are a very strong person. We're going to start fertility treatments next month and I'm a nervous mess. Reading your blog makes me feel a little calmer. Sounds crazy huh? Here I'm going to be trying to get pregnant and reading about you miscarrying makes me feel better? It's because you are able to get through each day no matter how hard it is or how bad you feel. I don't know that I would be able to do that if I miscarried. My hope for you is that you get through your sad period soon, mostly because I know you aren't feeling like yourself. I also hope that you will be able to try again, but not until you are completely ready.
Keep blogging no matter how sad or happy you are. If you stop blogging that makes us even more worried about you. Plus, if it makes you feel better, then you better stick with it so you can heal.
Happy borthday to Huskee's Daddy!!!!
Hilary (Kaos's Mom)

Pedro said...

Hang in there. Sadness has no schedule. One day you will notice you feel better. All us dawgs, kitties and hammies will be here for you until then. Don't worry about boring us. We're here to help humans and love them. Just ask Huskee, he'll tell you :)


T-man said...

Huskee - I'm glad your doggie and human friends have been able to help comfort your mom. That was really sweet of Jay to send those flowers! My mom remembers how kind our blogging friends were when our grandpa passed away. The funeral really helped to create some closure too. And yes, you must honor your little one the best way you can and not forget him.

I hope that day by day things get easier for your mom. It will take some time, I'm sure. Just be sure to give your mom lots of hugs and kisses and that will make her feel better.


Lorenza said...

Me and my mom are here for you too!
You know we are far far away but our heart and thoughts are right there with you.
Take all the time you need. Write all you want.
I hope Huskee's Dad have a nice birthday.
Kisses and hugs

Joe Stains said...

We are always here for you no matter how much sad stuff you want to talk about!

happy said...

May you find some comfort and joy in time to come. Time is the best healer. Keeping you in our thoughts.

Helios said...

My M says it's good to have an outlet for your thoughts and frustrations and happiness, so continue writing what you're feeling in the blog. I'm sure huskee won't mind his blog being hijacked... as long as he gets more toys and yummies!

And happy barkday to Huskee's dad! I hope you like your ticklish prezzie from Aunty Shane! My M says your family seems to like being tickled, something about 'koochi'.

duo_disaster said...

Just that you know thou' we have little words but our thoughts & prayers are always with you & everyone at home.

You were brave, you took a step out. Take everything at your own time, no hurries for you alone are precious.

We'll be back REAL soon!
RG + A

Jan's Funny Farm said...

Spouses, children, parents, friends, co-workers all have a special place in our healing, and so do our pets. Thankfully, no matter what you say to them or how long it takes us to heal, they don't say dumb things like us humans often do. I've said my share and regretted it and I've received my share from others.

And best of all, you have your hubby. Happy birthday to him.



Dear Huskee's Mommy,

Please never think that we would ever desert your blog. The Mommy crys her heart out on my blog all the time and without our DWB families we would feel every empty.
We are all her for each other...right!!

Thanks so much for all the kind words & prayers for my Aunt Annie. She left us yesterday. Me and the Mommy have been reading bloggies all day because it makes her smile.

THANKS so much Huskee for being my friend.......Mona & the Mommy

JB's Big World said...

I think Huskee will have no problem if you share his blog for a while. Huskee is there to comfort you. Sending you more purrs, and hope you are doing ok. By the way, my mom has a ton of gerbera daisy's in our backyard, they are one of her favorite flowers!

Mango the Maltese kiddo said...

Happy birthday to your dad.
Big hug to your mom, always.
We love y'all, we'll be there for you!
Hugs and kisses!

Jackson said...

Hey Huskee, I hope your dad has a nice birthday. And tell your mum that we don't mind her taking over your blog and we're all still thinking of you all. Hugs, J1 & J x

Moco said...

Being able to journal in what ever form is therapeutic. Just being able to express your feelings will help you work through your sadness. Things will never be the same, but they can still be good.

Petey said...

Hi Huskee and Mom and Dad,

Happy Birthday to your Dad, he sounds like a remarkable man with the love and strength to help you and your Mom through this sad time. No one can tell you how long to grieve or how to grieve. There is no right or wrong way. I think using Huskee's blog is a wonderful way of expressing what you're going through. We're all dogs (and dog people) here and that means we understand unconditional love and when it's important to just listen. My Mommy is a writer and she believes that written words have power. They can give you the power to heal, to love, and to have dreams once again.

Lots of affection coming your way,

Petey (and his Mommy)

Super Boy & Baby-Licious said...

We are very sure Huskee do not mind that his mom is using his blog.

*MIL, if he does, you tell me. I will tell him off*


Fluffy Porsche said...

Just pop by since you were listed 1st page and fr SG. I am sorry for what you have encountered. I had a friend who had once lost her baby and she was doubly blessed with twins. I am not saying you will have twins next but blessing will come in different forms and ways. Just be more prepared and careful next round. Time to boost your health. Laughter is the best medicine. Try to be joyful, you had many friends as I can see.

Hammer said...

Dear Shane
Please keep talking through Huskee's blog. You need to talk about your feelings. People who expect you to be happy I call "good weather friends", and you don't need them. When you are down and out, this is when you need your friends the most, and you need to talk about your pain. I feel the same with Hammer's blog which is probably a reason I haven't been blogging, but another reason is because I have been feeling so guilty for spending so much time at the computer putting up with Blogger, ISP problems, uploading images, etc. when I could have been out sitting and talking to Khomet.
Losing Lucas is a really hard time for you and Mark. You might think some days that you are not going to survive, but you will because you love each other and you love Huskee too.
I hope you both had a lovely evening on Mark's birthday, well as much as you could have. I'm sorry I'm late talking to you, but I'm always thinking of you.
Except to add the post to Hammer's blog I haven't had a chance to sit at the computer much but I will try to do this very soon and catch up with everyone's blogs.
Take good care of yourselves over there, and we are thinking of you
Love from Susan

Comet and BLU said...

We haven't been too good about visiting our friends lately, and are just reading about your loss. You and your husband have our deepest sympathy. Stay strong and take as much time as you need to grieve. Losing a child is a terrible loss to suffer.
Comet and BLU